How *are* You?

Sometimes, since I ditched my job, and apartment, and conventional aspects of life, really, people ask me “how are you”, in a head tilted way that asks, really, “how can you possibly be okay”.

And I say “I’m GREAT” which maybe seems like I’m overstating things, putting a brave face on terrible regret.

But really… I am doing great. I feel very happy. Very free.

I’m going to have to make some tough decisions, but that’s cool, I’ve demonstrated to myself that I have options.

And meanwhile, I get out of bed every morning excited about what I’m going to do today. I go to bed feeling like I’ve achieved things, even if not always the most important things (I’m working on that). The worse I feel is overwhelm, and the good kind that says, I can’t do everything so I’m going to have to pick some things and how will I decide.

It is at once liberating and terrifying to feel in control of my own life. To have stopped listening to what I’m told I should want, and what should make me happy and to listen instead to what actually does.